Caleb : Surrender, Blessings, Giants, and a Promised Land.

It has been over four weeks since Caleb was born and every day I’ve tried to pull my tired and jumbled thoughts together to sit down and write his birth story. But his birth story isn’t a simple one where I share how I went into labor, the hour and weight he was when he came into this world, and maybe some special details that fall in between. No. His story is much more complex. It’s inseparable from my story over this past year: surrendering my will to God’s will, facing down giants, and claiming my Promised Land in faith.

My husband and I now have two boys. Noah is two and a half. Shortly after Noah was born we started getting the question from friends and family:

“So, when are you going to have another one?!”

I would kinda cringe inside whenever someone asked me this. I loved Noah immensely, but what many people didn’t understand was that I was just trying to stay afloat Noah’s first year and a half of life. Adjusting to becoming a mom is hard. I would lose myself at times and I was trying to figure out who I was and who I wanted to be as a young wife and new mom. Meanwhile I was supporting my husband in his new career that demanded a lot of him while trying to build my photography business and raise our son. But the underlying factor for me, in hindsight, was that I wasn’t trusting any of it 100% to God. I had gradually began to believe that I had to do it all on my own, that I was responsible for my success in each area, the weight was on my shoulders. So for a year and a half I told friends and family, “no”, to more kids yet. And in God’s perfect grace and perfect timing, He met me right where I was and spoke to my heart so graciously in the first chance I had given him in a long time. I wrote about that experience at the Pursuit 2014 conference here. At the conference and since then He has continually spoken “Rest” to my heart – rest in His plan and provision.

Surrendering My Will to God’s Will

So when I returned home from the conference I apologized to my husband and asked for his forgiveness for not being open to discussing and praying about when or if a second child were in our future. I began to let go of control and REST in God’s timing and plan for our family. At the same time as this growth was happening in my heart for our family, I was also seeking God’s heart and plan for me in my photography business. At the time I had been feeling like all the work I was doing and the time spent away from Noah wasn’t worth it. I didn’t feel God’s blessing on my business… because it wasn’t really there, at least not in full. So I was sitting at my desk about a week after returning from the conference, beginning to consider another child and ready to lay my business down if that’s what God asked of me. At that moment I gave my business back to my Heavenly Father. I told Him He could take it from me if He wanted because if that was His will, I knew that it would ultimately be better for me and my family.

To my surprise He whispered to my heart, “Ask Me to bless it”.

So I did. It seems silly to me now, why hadn’t I thought of that sooner? Why didn’t I already know that God was waiting for me to ask Him for the blessings He has ready for me? So I asked Him to either take it from me or bless it so extravagantly that there would be no doubt that the blessings are from Him.

Within a few days I got a life-changing call from a friend and colleague inviting me to open my first studio space in downtown Westminster. You can read about that journey here. This has been a dream in my heart since I was in high school, possibly much earlier. In short, there is no doubt that the studio, the people involved, and the timing has been an extravagant blessing from God. So how does the studio tie into Caleb’s story? When Marcie (my studio space partner and friend) and I were approached with opening the studio we were both pretty intimidated by how we were going to be able to make it work. God took us both through a process of letting go of fears and, again, learning to REST in Him and trust that He would provide.

Facing Down Giants

I was certainly fearful because, from my point of view, there was no way that I could make this work right now. I had just found out that we were expecting our second child and I didn’t have the provision (financially) before making the commitment.

During this time God led me to the book of Joshua in the Old Testament when God led the Israelites into the Promised Land. In chapter three God instructs Joshua to have the priests take the Ark of the Covenant (where God’s presence dwelt at that time) and walk into the water in the Jordan river AND THEN God would stop the waters so that they could cross over on dry land to possess the Promised Land. What is amazing about this instance is that this is years after God parted the Red Sea for the Israelites to escape Egyptian slavery, except this time God called them out into the water FIRST, before there was any evidence of His provision. God was calling me out into the unknown, both in my business and my family, before I knew how any of it was going to work.

When we step out into the waters of the unknown where God is calling us He will always usher us into a Promised Land that He has for us.

Claiming My Promised Land

After Marcie and I had made the commitment to open the studio and about the time that my husband and I found out we were having another boy we started brainstorming boys’ names. And again God took me back to the story of Joshua and Caleb. They were the only two of their generation that were allowed to enter into the Promised Land because of their faith in God when others chose to fear the giants and their enemies over trusting God. Not only do I want to be a person who trusts God more than I fear the giants that I face, I want my sons to be men like that. So after some time and prayer my husband and I settled on the name Caleb.

His Birth

Caleb made his entrance into the world four weeks ago, nine days past my due date, after I was in early labor for four days. God’s timing was perfect though. The week that I was due the hospital was so busy that they didn’t have any birthing rooms empty. So if I would have gone into labor on time there’s a high chance I would have had him in the triage room. Ha! God sustained me even though I was weary with those long four days of early labor. Mostly, He protected Caleb. We had planned to be induced three days later than when I actually had him. I went in to be checked at the hospital since I had been in early labor for four days and things seemed to be picking up slowly. The OB who delivered Noah (who is a really great doctor) was the one who was there that day – a huge blessing to me to have someone that I was familiar with and trusted. He decided to keep me because of some red flags they saw while monitoring Caleb. Without going into the gory details, it was a blessing that I went in and they admitted me to have him three days earlier than my induction date because Caleb could have gotten very sick had we waited even one more day. I was blessed with the most incredible nurses! They were the greatest advocates for me and my delivering nurse was an awesome coach! It gave me such peace knowing that she was a believer and was praying for me throughout labor and delivery. I even got to hear the story of how God used her to bring a mutual friend of ours to know The Lord! This was, of course, after my epidural so that I could have a coherent conversation.

Marcie and I were handed the keys to our studio the week before I had Caleb, which meant that he was the first portrait session to be held there! What an honor and PERFECT picture of God’s timing, provision, and blessing! I’m honored and blessed to now have a beautiful indoor space for newborn portraits and wintertime maternity sessions for the Agape Baby Program!

Thank you for reading a story that is so precious to my heart! If you’re local to the central Maryland area I’d be blessed to capture the fleeting and precious memories of your family, too!

Children are a gift from The Lord (Psalm 127:3-4)